dragging my feet

two and a half weeks to go before i leave. haven’t contacted the movers, neither done with sorting out stuff to bring or dispose.  how not very me… this dragging-my-feet. how not very me too, this being apprehensive about leaving and moving on despite the thrilled anticipation of what could be in a new place.  having lleft home and lived in boarding homes since i was ten, my life has been punctuated by many movements.  i thought that i have learned detachment.

it isnt how it was when i left the philippines to be based in hongkong, my first overseas posting.  i only brought two pieces of luggage then and was, in my mind, already there before having physically relocated.  it isnt like how it was when i moved to cambodia, when the two luggage came with two boxes of shoes, bags and CDs.  now i have to grapple with - aside from the shoes and bags - what about my dutch lamps and wood chests from the russian market, shouldn’t i take at least one apiece? how many three-fold thai cushions, pillow cases, bed and table linen should i take?  if i can’t bring a whole set of the pacita abad dinnerware, perhaps the cups and saucers?  and what about silverware?  etc etc etc.

really though, its not so much the issue of luggage, shoes, bags, lamps etc. hongkong is just a spit away from manila and there are thousands of filipinos there.  friends who are already there provide an instant support network.  so it was with cambodia to an extent.  although based in hk, my portfolio covered cambodia, laos and the philippines.  thus i’ve already connected with cambodia even before coming.  but mongolia?  its oh so far away, so …… out there. 

but i’ve started to say my goodbyes, as in today for instance, when i lunched with the wacettes,  the women workers from the drop-in centers and the WNU sex workers.  yesterday i’ve formally relinquished my responsibilities as board chair of Padek. tomorrow will have the farewell lunch with YRDP and also bow down as its board member.